Adventures in the Irish night!
Okay, shutterbugs get your note pads up cause this is going to be intense. Ready?
Here we go.
Two nights ago I was out nightclubbing in Limerick with some friends. I have been drinking in Ireland before. But then it was more or less calm events. This was something else. But I’ll get to that.
Anyway, the night started like nights like these tend to: with alcoholic consumption at someone’s place. During the pre-party I learned a lot of useful phrases. For instance, I learned that all words can be used instead of the word “drunk”. If you say it the right way words like planked, floored, soused, sloshed, flushed, moshed, etc. can be used to the describe state. Lovely.
Anyway, I had beer with me. It’s nothing that I am proud of but I was thirsty. Now I just needed an opener. Alas there where none. So I did what I usually do during these circumstances: I used my key. I was surprised to find out that the Irish keys aren’t as stern as the Swedish ones. With the keys from my home country I am able to open beer-bottles, kill zombies and use them as screwdrivers. They can withstand anything, including common stupidity. The key to my present accommodation didn’t. It bent. Stupid as I was, I tried to bend it back. Then it broke in half. I exclaimed, “fuck!” and showed the parts to my new friends. They laughed their asses of.
– You’re fucked, they said.
I agreed and opened the bottle with a knife instead. We drank, called a taxi and went for the city.
The first place we tried to get into had one of the longest queues I’ve ever seen. It was amazing! 100 meters of human flesh waiting in line like cattle, pressing to get in. I think three or four persons grabbed my ass as we stood in line.
After 15 minutes or so we decided that it wasn’t worth it to stand in line. We left and went to another club. On the way there we saw a bunch of guys standing in different corners taking a leak. Piss on the streets of Limerick. Classy.
We got to the other place. Got in and went for the bar. In between dancing and drinking I got asked really direct questions from different persons.
Some of the questions where:
· Do you want a joint?
· Are you Canadian?
Another thing that happened was that the Irish girls on the dance floor kept ruffling my hair. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out if the entities in short shorts and mini-skirts where fucking with me or wanted to fuck me. It seems like body language is not international. When I asked one of my new friends he answered quite short.
– It was a come-on dude.
Cool I thought, bought another drink and danced some more. Speaking of come-ons. One thing I noticed as I did my anthropologycal studies was that the Irish couples didn’t seem to make-up with any passion. The girls and boys all seemed to have the same technique. The guys had one hand under one of the girls buttocks, like if they where checking it for weight or something. The other hand was either hanging along the guys sides or gently placed on the girls back. The girls on the other hand had their hands on the guys back. No passion. No gusto. Just basic mechanics.
I wonder why that is. Is it because they controlled themselves out of fear of being thrown out from the club? Was it because they haven’t snugged with many objects of their attraction before?
More studies and more data are needed before a trustworthy hypothesis can be established.
Another thing that happened was that I started dancing 70’s-disco-Travolta-style. As I did a guy nudged me and said that I better stop.
– Why? I asked.
– Cause people might think you are gay and beat you up, he answered.
So much for the Irish equality.
After the club closed we went to have some food and then we went home to some of my friends who where kind enough to let me sleep on their couch.
The first thing I did when I woke up was to look at the guy who leaned over me. He ate Kellogg’s corn flakes. The second thing I did was getting into the city, found a key-smith (or whatever they are called) and got my key fixed. So now I got an unbroken key and some more experiences.
Lovely!
