Adventures of an asshole

I’m sitting in the library’s third floor, watching out over campus as chaos is descending. As I look down I see young men staggering around, looking confused, clutching beer cans and swaying from side to side when they stop walking. My Facebook feed is constantly uploaded with pictures of broken glass and parts of the University getting trashed.

Welcome to Rag Week at the University of Limerick. For you who are unfamiliar with the concept of Rag Week it is supposed to be a week where the students can have fun and attempt to raise some money for local charity causes. In practise it is more about getting drunk than getting the money flow going. If people show up for tutorials they are either hung over or about to get smashed again. The constant smell of alcohol is everywhere.

Watching the chaos from my high pedestal of knowledge I cannot help waiting for the causal fighting and other tendencies to unregulated masculine behaviour resulting from intoxication to commence. I’ve already been the witness of some of this behaviour this week.

In the last 48 hours I have seen some students trying to pick a fight with two Chinese guys for the simple reason for them being Asian. High-intellectual words as “fucking chink” was thrown in the air and then they all left the bus I was sitting on. Then we have the countless walking dead utilising their feet in an unstable manner, attempting to transport themselves from A to B. And then we have the boys and girls consuming high quantities of booze until they resemble the cast of Monster Inc in appearance, although not in behaviour.

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for anarchy. Damn, I sat fire to loads of shit when I was seventeen. That is what young people are supposed to do, wake up angry and with extended middle fingers, getting ready to fuck the world. But I never got into the pseudo-masculine belch drinking game. Maybe it was because I always got depressed when I drank too much. It might also be because I hate to loose control. I just don’t understand the appeal with drinking until you puke and then wake up 12 hours later smelling like urine and ammonia.

I don’t understand the attempt to drag a girl home, get her on the kitchen counter and realise that you are too drunk to fuck. What is all that manly belch drinking worth if you cannot get an erection?

Seeing the state of most night-club mensrooms and the artefacts of the boys bad aim I cannot understand why any woman would attempt to enjoy some carnal pleasure with a drunk guy. The result cannot be good, even if the guy manage to get a half-sloppy stiffy.

Watching the different stages of alcohol abuse I cannot help but think that it kinda resembles the evolution of man, but in reverse. During the last couple of days I have encountered Third Riche decedents beating up Chinese people, Neanderthals utilising grunts as means of conversation and amoebas lying on the sidewalk, oozing in their own bodily fluids. Classy.

I try to figure out what the appeal is. Maybe it is the chance of enjoying the occasional alcohol-infused date rape that infuses the urge to swig cheap vodka. It is not rape if she cannot say “no” right?

Maybe it is a chance to establish the hierarchy of the man-pack with the physical strength.

Or maybe I am just jealous since I have to study and cannot join the party.

Here is another recipe from my wast arsenal of awsome dishes. I present: the kidney bean burger!

Ingredients:

One can of kidney beans

Garlic

Sunflower seeds

Raisins

Walnuts

Flour

Mash the kidney beans into a smooth cream.

Chop the garlic, the raisins, walnuts and sunflower seeds as small as you can and ad them to the beans.  Ad the flour and stir it into the beans until the cream isn’t sticky. Then it is just to form the cream into burgers and fry away. AWESOME!

I did this to regular mashed potatoes but you can do it to regular burgers and other stuff. Depending on what you want to serve it with and what your taste is you can fill the burgers with chilli or other spices. Enjoy.

If Ian McKellen plays anything he does it with bravura and energy that is hard matched, if an equal performance is possible at all. But undoubtedly the man behind the aged Magneto and the Middle Earthian wizard  is as inspiring person of set as he is on.

Going to Belfast tomorrow with the International society tomorrow. Awesome.  As the friendly people at UL knows this means drinking, tourism and more drinking. So here we go again.

There is whiskey in the jar.

Between the 15^th and the 19^th of March this year I will be in Dublin to celebrate St Patrick’s day with my friends.

I have now booked the rooms for us. It was really hard finding a hostel or hotel that was not fully booked during the Irish holiday. For the same reason as I have, a lot of people are coming to Dublin on St Patrick’s day.

I think the drinking is going to be grand!

Will I meet you there?